A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a
calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying
weapons of math instruction.

‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’
and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in
every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are
3 sides to every triangle’.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, ‘If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given
us more fingers and toes.’ White House aides told reporters they could
not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President – It
is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.



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